Pretty much what the title says.
The last 3-ish years I've worked non-stop at....something. Either graphic designing, my part time job, the various things that have cropped up in my personal life..something. Everything. All the time. The things that have made me happy have kind of gone to the wayside. Not that my work doesn't make me happy, but it's WORK. I've not read, cooked, gone on a photo hunt or knit nearly as much as I'd like. Somethings, I've not done at all. Hell, I can't even remember the last time I took out my Canon for anything other than work. I'm so tired by the time I've finished with whatever it is I'm doing, I have no desire to do anything else than sleep or watch TV while falling asleep. I've taken to reading the news on my phone as I fall asleep so I have some idea of the world outside my bubble.
I miss photography! I *like* doing those videos! I like showing people how to do things. I like finding beauty in something that wouldn't normally get noticed and preserving it in a photo. I like reading. Coming up with a new food dish is amazing and rewarding. The problem now is I've gotten really bad about relaxing and allowing myself to do these things.
For a while I was dealing with my father's terminal illness from 3000 miles away. While that was happening, I was, for a time, the primary breadwinner in the house. Then a small health thing of my own (I'm fine. I'm also a lot thinner and no longer have high blood pressure or prediabetes! Yay!). Now, things have stabilized and I really don't know what to do with myself. We went on a long weekend holiday to the beach last month (gotta love living in Florida) and I honestly couldn't sit still. It was literally the first time in years that not only did I have nothing to get done, I didn't NEED to get anything done. I was on vacation from my part time job and my design clients knew I was out of town. I had free time and lots of it and had a hard time enjoying it because I felt I had to be doing something. So, there was a lot of walking and searching out restaurants, but not any sitting on the beach and reading, which is a shame in retrospect.
Last week I realized that this was no way to live. So, I decided to start slowly and allow myself time off during the week where I allow myself to relax. I learned to knit and crochet 12 years ago to give my restless hands something to do while I relaxed (there seems to be a theme), so I dusted off a sock project that I had stopped a year and a half ago and started it up again. It allowed me to actually watch the TV show I had turned on without relentlessly checking my email or doing something work-related. And, I feel better. And I have another pair of socks on the horizon!
So, I'm going to finish this pair of socks. Then, I'm going to find that yellow striped glove and make a video about doing the thumb that people have been asking about for 2 years. Then, I'm going to do another video on something else. I don't know about what, yet. Possibly socks or cabling. It doesn't matter! When it stops being Florida cold, I'll go hiking, too. Because I can and should. :)
-S
PS- This was very stream of conscious, so apologies for the awkwardness in writing.
